Here are some things I have learned while archiving my old blog posts onto this keen new site of mine:
- I am a wordy fuck*.
- It is not "too soon" to joke about Jerry Falwell or Charlton Heston*2.
- If there is a God, and he cares, I'm totally, divinely cocked.
- Keep your therapy. Give me a keyboard, a monitor, and the delusion that someone, sometime will accidentally stumble upon my "Cthulhu '08" joke and I'll be golden.
- "Yo Chill, don't bump the table!"*3
- If there was any way to hire Rich Little to voice the Ronald Reagan mummy without paying a ton of money and/or being told to investigate 'solitary procreation', I'd do it.
- The post about rap music, while it had some good points, was all over the fucking place.
- Peter Jackson could have saved a ton of CGI money and hired Pat Robertson to play Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies.*4
- There are certain subjects that it's never occurred to me to blog about.
My intelligence as compared to a fifth grader.
My two years before the mast.
The good news.
The ways of the ninja.*5
* Evidenced by my reliance on footnotes.
*2 Reap it. Reap it dead.
*3 Who remembers House Party? The first one. The good one. Not the one with the pajama party, or the one with Immature as Kid's nephews. And damn sure not the one where Immature 'inherited' the franchise. I'm talking about the one with Robin "It was so hot in here last night, I thought I saw The Devil!" Harris.
*4 When he dies, I might have a party.
*5 Because they're imaginary. Don't believe me? I'll prove it. "Hey, ninjas? If you're real, strike me down. Come on, I dare ya..
Stupid, pajama-wearing jerks. Anyway, as I was say-OW! What is this? A dart? Where the Hell did that come fr- THUD!
1 hour ago