Friday, June 13, 2008

Bill Moyers, Demigod

If you know me or have read my opinion on such matters*, you know I hate the media. I hate the media like monkeys hate peanut butter*2. However, deep inside the jewel of my hate*3, there lies a tiny imperfection. An imperfection so small and unnoticed by the untrained eye that it doesn't get decent ratings and can only find a home on lefty public television*4. That imperfection is Bill Moyers. If Batman was a reporter, he'd be the Jimmy Olsen to Bill Moyers' Lois Lane*5.

* And if you haven't, why haven't you? Is it because I'm a woman? Well, I'm not.*6

*2 Never heard of that, huh? Monkeys hate all spreadable condiments, but peanut butter more than any other. That's precisely the kind of thing the monkey-run media is keeping from you.

*3 The jewel of my hate is an onyx, because I'm old school and crazy jewels meant to symbolize emotions should have 'x's in them. Or 'z's. "Topaz of my hate" sounds too much like a ghost story in Car & Driver magazine.

*4 Can you imagine right-wing public television? Nope. You can't. Your head would leap off your neck and chuck itself into a Skullfuckers Anonymous meeting*7.

*5 I know I'm mixing my Batman metaphor in with a cast of Superman metaphor. I'm not stupid.........just geeky enough that no other metaphors felt as apt.

*6 A Hillary swipe. Now my day can begin.

*7 I don't think they really hold those meetings, but you could call Library Ready Reference, I guess.

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