Vice President of the Jerk Store, Maybe

Remember when I used to write about the good books I'd read recently? Seems like an election ago. Wait, the presidential election is still forthcoming? Shiiiiit.

On to the news…*

This is awesome in a way that only people fed up with false nicety and convenient sincerity can truly appreciate*² (thanks to Wonkette).

My Dream Obama*³: "By the power of Grayskull, you traitorous fuck!"*⁴

Since he's standing up to one useless sack of fakery, why not run the table?

My Dream Obama: "If you tell me all the shit that you said about me was just 'campaign talk' I will reinforce some very negative stereotypes right here, right now."

Just say 'no' to HillBill*⁵, Obama.

Quoting myself from an email I wrote yesterday*⁶…

"My gut says no way in imaginary Hell could Obama bring Hillary onto the ticket as VP. Doing so would undercut his position as the top of the ticket, invite (rightful) cries of 'Hypocrite' from the crowd who came to Obama as an alternative to old school Washington, allow the Republicans to activate Clinton Attack Plan 117 (linking the Clintons to Nazi war atrocities and attendance of clown college)*⁷, and make him seem weak and bullied into putting her on the ticket.

Hillary's pluses on the ticket could be delivered by a number of other options*⁸, whereas her liabilities are unique to her. What's the surest way to motivate the conservative base who doubt McCain's anti-abortion stance and worry about his 'lenient' immigration policies? Give them Hillary to attack, and continue to provide Bill with an outlet to further toilet his dwindling legacy with asinine remarks and holier-than-thou, dish it out can't take it, wounded, red-faced finger wagging (Oddly enough, I really liked Clinton at one point, and can't quite nail down when that stopped).

I'd like to see Feingold or Kucinich, but neither one of them have an upside apart from being legislators with conscience (and who says that's an upside in an election; only a dreamer like me*⁹)."


* Note: I am not the media. Ratings mean jack to me and my wallet is empty.

*2 Intelligent people, essentially.

*3 He exists in my dreams, making perfect sense and pimp-slapping all who still can't seem to get onboard.

*4 It took me a while, but I have now referenced He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Whew, glad that's been accomplished.

*5 HillBill, Vol. 2 had a bangin' soundtrack. The RZA is a genius.*¹⁰

*6 Because I'm awesome. No, seriously, I only have so many thoughts a week, so I do what I can to milk them to death.

*7 Via 'Six Degrees of Joseph Goebbels: The Party Game for Jerks and Assholes'

*8 Wearing a mesh hat sporting a freight company logo and handing out copper anti-arthritis bracelets etched with DoNotResuscitate instructions spring to mind. That's right, I swiped at blue collars and oldies at once. Live with it.

*9 I'm not the only one.

*10 That was an awful long way to go to make a Kill Bill joke. Sorry.