How I Spent My Summer Vacation.........Or.........The Eight Pound Excuse

I know, I know. I disappeared with no advance warning. I didn't call, I didn't write. I'm a jerk. But, I have the best excuse in the history of excuses...

Niamh Karen Rose Riley*
July 12th, 2008
8 Lbs., 6.7 Oz.
21 1/4 inches

Rather than put up enough pictures to crash the interweb here in this post, I'll use the handy slideshow gadget*2 (on the sidebar of The Name Escapes Me) to allow those interested in basking in babitude to get their fill*3.

Once I adjust (again) to even less sleep than normal, I'll be back to my normal comic book/politics/winsome rap retrospective posting*4.

*Is awesome.

*2 Or 'widget'. Or is it 'Gidget'? No, wait, that's the surfer girl who grew up to be The Flying Nun.

*3 Also, enjoy the Lego Forces created by my son, Neil. Their names are as follows: Brainulus, Space Rider, Shark Man, Bomb Head, Blast Face, Captain Clone Man, and Death. This is what two guys do to reaffirm their manliness in a house that now has gender equality.



*4 Oh joy.

Please Please Please

This would put a smile on my face comparable to The Kool-Aid Man's rictus grin*.

"Obstruction of justice! Ohhh yeaaah!!!"

*From back when "juice" was flavored sugar water and no one worried about basic health, much less jamming kids' bodies full of twelve kinds of workout enhancers. Of course, we're not exactly a nation of Hulk children*2, so I guess Gatorade has been lying to us.
*2 Yeah, I know Hulkling turned out to be a Skrull/Kree half-breed (not related to The Incredible Hulk at all), but my point remains the same. My point being, I'm a giant dork and maybe one person reading this understands what in the hell a Kree is. Rove sucks.

RIP George Carlin

Stop letting other people tell you what you can say.

What I Learned While Transferring My Old Blogs To This Site

Here are some things I have learned while archiving my old blog posts onto this keen new site of mine:

- I am a wordy fuck*.

- It is not "too soon" to joke about Jerry Falwell or Charlton Heston*2.
- If there is a God, and he cares, I'm totally, divinely cocked.


- Keep your therapy. Give me a keyboard, a monitor, and the delusion that someone, sometime will accidentally stumble upon my "Cthulhu '08" joke and I'll be golden.

- "Yo Chill, don't bump the table!"*3


- If there was any way to hire Rich Little to voice the Ronald Reagan mummy without paying a ton of money and/or being told to investigate 'solitary procreation', I'd do it.

- The post about rap music, while it had some good points, was all over the fucking place.

- Peter Jackson could have saved a ton of CGI money and hired Pat Robertson to play Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies.*4

- There are certain subjects that it's never occurred to me to blog about.
My intelligence as compared to a fifth grader.
My two years before the mast.
Meat Bikinis.
The good news.
The ways of the ninja.*5



* Evidenced by my reliance on footnotes.

*2 Reap it. Reap it dead.

*3 Who remembers House Party? The first one. The good one. Not the one with the pajama party, or the one with Immature as Kid's nephews. And damn sure not the one where Immature 'inherited' the franchise. I'm talking about the one with Robin "It was so hot in here last night, I thought I saw The Devil!" Harris.

*4 When he dies, I might have a party.

*5 Because they're imaginary. Don't believe me? I'll prove it. "Hey, ninjas? If you're real, strike me down. Come on, I dare ya..

......

......

Thought so.

Stupid, pajama-wearing jerks. Anyway, as I was say-OW! What is this? A dart? Where the Hell did that come fr- THUD!

I'll Be Lying To You Now

Today I've begun transplanting all of my old MySpace blog posts here to ye olde, newe, interweb addresse*. This will be a grueling process full of swearing and unchecked despisal (and it won't be easy for me either, wokka, wokka, wokka*2). So, when the archive links on the sidebar say I posted something in 2007, they're complicit in my subterfuge and will therefore be consigned to the flames of torment for all eternity when I die*3. Enjoy your day*4.

*'e's for all!

*2 Fozzie Bear, ladies and gentlemen.

*3 Harsh but fair.

*4 I don't mean to tell you how to live. I apologize.