"you may well arrive at the conclusion that planets are ubiquitous." But Why Would You Want To?

European astronomers have located three so-called 'Super Earths' 42 light years from us.

Artist's impression of the trio of super-Earths discovered by an European team using the HARPS spectrograph on ESO's 3.6-m telescope at La Silla, Chile, after 5 years of monitoring. The three planets, having 4.2, 6.7, and 9.4 times the mass of the Earth, orbit the star HD 40307 with periods of 4.3, 9.6, and 20.4 days, respectively. (Credit: ESO)

What the article doesn't tell you* is that all three have made contact with Earth already. The largest planet sent an envoy who seemed eerily familiar to the astronomers:

His message was drowned out by the schoolgirl-esque shrieking from the German contingent present in the room*2.

The second-largest sent this message along with what appears to be an image of their leadership:

"The Royal Family extends it's greetings. Party up! USA! USA! USA!"

And the smallest sent this guy:

"Hiya. My Dad sent me to pick up some dodos we forgot to take with us in the last rapture. Anybody seen 'em?"

Perhaps not coincidentally, the tomb of Ronald Reagan exploded*3, revealing his mummy. Not surprisingly, it has begun speaking to passers by:

"Now who's overreacting, you SDI naysayers! I was worried about Darth Vader or other forthcoming Sith Lords*4, and you've got to deal with a Knight Rider planet, space alcoholics and a disappointed Jesus*5." and "Speaking of Jesus; how come I'm not with you, Big J? Oh. Right. Never mind."

* Damned, monkey-run media!

*2 Like Norm MacDonald says, "Germans love David Hasselhoff."

*3 The eldritch power used to bind presidents in their tombs is spotty in the best of times. Thanks, El Nino!

*4 Reagan gained his extensive Star Wars knowledge while attending key parties at George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch in the cocaine-addled 1980s.

*5 'Disappointed Jesus' is my newest goth band name.

Wizard World Chicago Brings Families Together...

Or does it?

Flash forward ten years...

"Look, dad; I'm not Luke, you're not Obi-Wan, and mom DAMN SURE ISN'T YODA!!!"

Justin Pimps Yet Another Book.........This Time It's Personal!

As some of you may know, I do things other than read. Writing comics, for example. This week, I'm proud to announce the (self) publication of a trade paperback comic book collection I had a hand in. Sawdust: The Workshed Anthology is the collection of the four issue comic series of the same name put out by myself and the 'Shed Heads over the past year. It's chock-full of solid storytelling and eye-catching art; if you like action and adventure (ie. you are NOT a Jedi), check it out. Sawdust is available on the Workshed Studio web site (12 smackers and free shipping), Wizard World Chicago (special 10 buck convention price), and choice comic shops in the Milwaukee area (12 shekels and you get it with no waiting and a minimum of costumed fan interaction).

Still not convinced? Well, if you're in Milwaukee, here's some more food for thought...

Fun facts about Workshed Studio

-Workshed Studio is a group of local comic creators.

-Alan Evans (writer/artist Worldwide Solutions) was kicked out of The Taskmaster's Training School after repeatedly asking him to mimic wrestling moves.

-Radames Malave (writer/artist Ebon Guard) was convicted of a crime he didn't commit, but probably would have committed had he thought of it.

-Justin Riley (writer Worldwide Solutions, Fade) has all the rage of the Hulk, but none of the accompanying proportionate strength.

-No one at Workshed Studio has ever shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Not in Reno.

-Workshed is based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

-Alan has encyclopedic knowledge of early gangsta rap, and will quote it extensively with no provocation.

-Radames "ain't scared of no ghosts".

-Justin doesn't feel sorry for anyone working on the Death Star. It's called THE DEATH STAR! Lousy fascist collaborators.

-No one at Workshed knows the meaning of the word 'quit'. We will be a buying a dictionary soon.

-Did we mention we're from Milwaukee?

-Alan owes a LOT of money to the 'wrong people', but would like to keep his thumbs. So buy the book, please.

-Radames once hired, and then promptly fired the A-Team when it became apparent that they couldn't shoot straight.

-Justin has danced with The Devil in the pale moon light, and doesn't see what the big deal is.

-Workshed loves you for your mind. Everything else is just gravy.

-Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Milwaukee!

I'm done whoring for now. Whoring for funnybooks, anyway.